What Is Your Biggest Fear?

Last thursday, while sitting in class, my coach texted me about what I would be doing at practice that day. He told me that all of the other girls would be doing a workout, and since I had not yet done one since I hurt my foot, he gave me three options. 1. Do the workout 2. Do half the workout and prepare to race saturday 3. Go on an easy run. My initial text back was, "Well, what do you think is the best decision for me?" Instead of giving me a straight forward answer, he replied, "I can't make that decision for you Kate. You have to tell me how you are feeling. What is your biggest fear?" I thought about this question for a minute. What was my biggest fear about racing? When I got to practice and talked it over with my coach, we came to the conclusion that my biggest fear was that if I raced, I would injure myself more and have to sit out for longer. It seemed like a reasonable answer, so I went with it. Well, after doing the workout and racing, I realized that getting more hurt wasn't my fear at all. I was really just afraid of disappointment. I was afraid of letting my coach down, my team down, and myself down. I learned a thing or two about success today. We, today, define success through achievement, status, reputation, and performance. When one executes one of those qualities poorly, we automatically acknowledge it as a failure. Story of my weekend. I considered myself a failure. I forced myself to believe that all of those around me now looked at me with a sense of pity and worthlessness. I felt as though I had failed my team, my coach, my parents, myself, and God. But God doesn't define success in the same way we do. He defines it as persecution, hardship, sacrifice, obedience, etc. He could care less how many gold medals and ribbons you bring with you to the gates of Heaven. He could care less how many times your name is written in a record book or on a shiny plaque. To Him, our successes aren't tangible things. They are the way we carry out His word. Kind of makes me feel silly for calling myself a failure for one bad race. To God, it didn't matter what my time was, or what place I finished. To Him, all that mattered was how I responded to Him. Instead of praising Him, and praying to Him, and trusting Him, I resented Him for what happened. That is where I was unsuccessful. I didn't follow Him or have confidence in Him. So join me today in praying to God for success. Not on paper or in your sport, but in your path of Christ. Pray to God that He will help you to not be consumed or overcome by material success, but instead be consumed in carrying out His word. God will not let you fail.

Courage

Last night, I prayed to God for the strength to devote my all to Him. I prayed for Him to rid me of my addiction to running, and that I would live by my words. I prayed for the courage to let go. My friend recently introduced me to the song "Courageous" by the Casting Crowns. My favorite part of the song is as follows: 

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the Lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

This song helps me to understand my battle with confidence and courage a lot more. God made us to be men and woman of courage. That we would stand amongst all people and proclaim God as our Lord and savior. That we would be willing and able to cast all things aside to walk in the light of His word. He created us in an image of courage to serve Him. When I choose to lose confidence or take back control of my life when I feel that it is starting to falter, I give up my courage as well. I begin to live in fear and worry. I forget my purpose of creation. By definition courage means two things: 1. the ability to do something that frightens one; 2. strength in the face of pain or grief. The second definition, I think, has a lot to do with my current battle of faith. When I am faced with pain or grief, I run. Even though I'm not running as far away as I used to, I still run from God. I am scared to face Him and show Him my disappointments, anxieties, and troubles. More so, because once I show Him, that means I have to show it to my biggest competition...me. Nobody likes to admit failure. Nobody likes to accept defeat. Which is why we take things into our own hands to fix them. Only that just reeks selfishness and stubbornness. Not courage. It takes more courage to get down on your hands and knees and plea for help than to just block it out of memory or fix it on your own. But God wants us to plea. He wants us to have the courage to give Him all of our burdens, fears, and anxieties. He wants us to have the courage to serve Him with our whole selves, not just pieces of us. So, join me today in a walk of courage. Get on your knees, lift your hands, and pray for courage. Pray to God that He will be your rock. Pray that you can be the man/woman that God created you to be. 

Confidence

Well, yesterday definitely did not go the way that I had hoped for. I felt like I was confident and ready at the start, but quickly let self doubt take over. As soon as my legs started to get tired, it consumed me. As soon as the first girl past me, my eyes and head moved south. I stopped believing in myself and I stopped trusting God. I guess part of me assumed that since I had asked God to help me to run for His glory, that the race and a PR would be handed over to me on a silver platter. That I could sit back and not have to hurt to make it happen. Oh boy was I wrong. My mom described it to me as, "sure God had given me all the ingredients to make the bread, but I still have to put it in the oven to make it rise." I lost all of my confidence in Him because He wasn't doing it all for me. I need help to understand that God isn't going to do it all for me, He is there to GUIDE me. I am in much better physical shape than how I performed on the track yesterday, but none of that matters if my head is not screwed on straight. It's frustrating to me that I gave up on myself and lost trust in God because I continually stress, to all of you, the importance of giving it all to Him. Today, I am praying for God's help. I need help. I don't have all of the answers. I can't expect all of this to come easy. God wants me to lean on Him and He keeps trying to tell me do so and I STILL, in the grand scheme of things, rely on myself. I read a devotional today that talked about addictions. About people who have an addiction, that no matter how much they pray to God or talk about God to others, they still continue to put all of the strength and will into their addiction. My addiction is running. Even though I thank God everyday for blessing me with the talent and tell Him that running will never take precedent over Him, I still put all of my strength into running. This is not the right path. And God doesn't want it to be that way. He is my number one, and until I stop putting running first, He is going to continue to test me and show me that He wants me to trust Him. He wants me to run to him. I would really like to ask all of you to pray for me. Pray that I will stop putting running first. Pray that I will trust Him with all my heart. Pray that I will put my bread in the oven.

Today Is His Day

Today is a day that I did not expect. Today, I toe the line at my first indoor meet of the season. Today, I will run 3000 kilometers as fast as I am able. Today I will test my fitness against 14 other talented women who have trained just as hard as I have. All of these are instances of "today" and today alone, but do you know what is not just today? God is with me. Not just for today, but everyday. He is the reason that I am not a bit nervous. He is this reason that I am willing to accept the pain that this race may bring my legs. He is the reason that, win or lose, I will walk off the track today with my head held high. He is the one who will receive the honor and glory. I have no doubt in my mind that every stride I make today is perfectly orchestrated into a race that God has laid out for me to run. I have no doubt in my mind that God will be present in the Clemson Indoor Track today. I have no doubt in my mind that if I put all of my trust and faith in Him, that I will succeed in glorifying Him. Readers, if you don't mind, I would like to use the remainder of today's post to present God with my prayer for the day and a quote of motivation.

"Heavenly Father, first I would like to thank you for today. Thank you for giving me another day to awe at your majesty. As I toe the line today at the meet, I pray that you will rid my mind and heart of any anxiety, fear, or doubt. I pray that you will use me today to prove your glory to others. Win or lose, I know that I will not fail, because I know that you will be with me at every step. I pray that you will humble me and that you will not let me make today "my day." For today is your day Lord, everyday is your day. I pray before you today to be your humble servant and to walk in your light. I pray for all of those ladies who will line up next to me, that they too will trust and glorify you. In your holy name I pray, Amen."

Also, just for a bit of motivation, I found this via a friend on Pinterest...

What are you afraid of?
Getting an injury...It eventually heals.
Passing out...You will still be alive.
Not being able to breathe...You can once your done.
Feeling the pain...It'll eventually go away.
Are you afraid of the competition?
Whatever it is, don't be afraid to get out there and compete, because as soon as you cross that finish line, you should know that you have nothing left. Be fearless from start to finish.

Why be afraid today? God is with you.

The Power of Love

Have you ever just sat down and considered how strong the power of God really is? I know you may know it already by the Book or by word of mouth, but have you ever taken a step back and really awed at his majesty? Wondered over the life and beauty He creates? Marveled at how He can transform the worst of times into the best of times? And even more than that, have you ever tried to wrap your mind around the fact that He does it all because He WANTS to? God doesn't bless us in spite of anything. He doesn't reward us to pity us. He acts on us because He wants us...craves us...loves us. To quote the wise words of my devotional "Joni and Friends," "The fact that He would bless us with eternal pleasures when he could easily char us like burnt toast is a wonderful thing." How true is that though? God is full of so much power that at the snap of His finger, the world could be destroyed. So then how come when we sin, or when we lean on ourselves, or when we lose sight of our path God doesn't just finish us off? It wouldn't be hard. In fact, it would be easy, and would make a lot more sense. But instead, God uses these times to pull us closer to Him. Instead of charring us like burnt toast, He rains down His burning passion and loves on us. That's a head scratcher right? To me, that is one of the greatest things about faith in God. You don't have to have it all figured out. It's not an equation with a simple answer. God's love for us is so far beyond measurable terms. In accepting that love, God has transformed my life. He has focused my attention on the life that surrounds me instead of on just me. He has pulled me into a constant state of awe. You know that feeling you get when someone tells you they love you? That feeling of butterflies uncontrollably swarming your stomach. That feeling where a smile is impossible to wipe from you face. That nervous/excited nausea for what the future holds. Well, that is how I feel every morning when I wake up now. Excitedly nauseas to see what wonder God has in store for me. The possibilities are limitless for a man of His power. Thrilling isn't it? I experienced a great instance of God's powerful love yesterday. I laced up my shoes for a workout, fully expecting to feel out of shape, sore, and behind. Instead, He made me feel fast, fresh, and free. Enough to the point where I have decided to continue to prepare my fields and race on saturday. Only one man has the power to have me go from hobbling around on Monday to racing a 3000 kilometer race on Saturday. That is something I refer to as love. The best part is, you don't have to beg or pray for Him to love you. He already does. He always has. Instead, pray to Him that He will help you embrace His love, thrive in His love, accept His love. I mean, come on, He sent His ONLY son to die for YOU. So soak in God's love, and love him back.

Never a NO

We live in a time where things are constantly rushed. If something doesn't happen at the snap of a finger, it causes panic resulting in it being either dismissed or altered. In short, we lack patience. This can pose problems when it comes to prayer and God. You see, God doesn't work based off of your schedule. He does things in His own time. A lot of times, this makes it hard for people to put all of their trust in Him. It causes people to go back to relying on themselves and material things to get them through their troubles. When some pray to God, and don't get an immediate "yes" response, they lose hope. They lose confidence in God's promises. They think that God isn't listening. What people don't understand, is that "yes" isn't God's only answer, but also that a straight up "NO" is never God's answer. You see, I have come to find that God answers prayers in three ways. One is with a "yes". If God has what you are praying for in His plan for you, then a simple yes it all it takes. Two is with, "not right now." This goes back to what I said before. God operates on His own schedule. It He feels that it is simply not the time for what you are praying for to happen, then He will not have it happen. This should not be a reason to lose faith in Him. All that this response should do is to keep you praying about it. When God is ready, you will know. He will let you know that He has not been turning His ear away, for He had just fit it into your life at a different time. Finally, He answers with, "I've got something better in mind." This is where humility needs to come before honor. This is where you must realize that life isn't going to unfold exactly the way you want it to do.  This is where you need to trust that God has your back. This is where you have to hold onto faith the strongest. Prayer has proven, to me, to be the most powerful weapon that I have on this earth. It has the power to penetrate hate, fear, anger, doom, and sadness to make its way to God. Just because it's not the answer you want, doesn't mean it's wrong for you. Be Patient. Keep Praying. Period.

Cloud Nine

OH THE POWER OF GOD! OH THE POWER OF PRAYER! OH THE WONDER OF A LIFE LIVED IN HUMILITY! OH THE MIRACLES OF FAITH! I am sorry to have written all of that in all capital letters, but I am literally on cloud nine today. I got to practice yesterday afternoon and my trainer told me that I should try running on my foot to help strengthen it. He told me that he would wrap it up and that I would have to understand that it was going to hurt when I ran, but I needed to try to push through it as long as it wasn't extremely uncomfortable. I took two steps, felt soreness, and stopped. I thought to myself, "No, way am I going to run today. I could feel it in those two steps, so I will definitely feel it for a few miles. I think I'll just bike today." Then, I started to think about what I had written that very same morning. I wrote how I have to prepare my fields to receive the gifts of God. I have to show Him that I trust Him. With that being said, I took a deep breath, and began to run. I could feel it alright. Every step. No sharp pains, only dull aches. But, I knew God was with me. I knew that He would answer my prayers of healing if I showed Him that I had faith in His power. It loosened up some, and after the 4 miles that I was instructed to do, I felt a sense of comfort. I felt God put his hand on my shoulder and say, "Kate, don't worry, I've got your back." I went straight to the training room to get treatment and ice to prevent any soreness or swelling before I headed back to my apartment. Happiness flooded my insides as I began to think about the past hour of my day. I had run. Not too far, but I had run. I kept my shoes on for most of the night because I know that that is when my foot feels almost normal. The day before, I couldn't bear to walk barefoot. I finally took my shoes off when I jumped in the bed. A couple of minutes later, I wanted to get a glass of water, so I jumped off of my bed and scrambled into the kitchen. After a few moments of fiddling around the kitchen and making my way back to my room, I realized that I was barefoot.....and my foot DIDNT HURT! I couldn't believe it. I hadn't even noticed that my shoes were absent from my feet! I prepared my fields for rain, and received God's gift of healing. Not without the help of all of those who have been praying for me though. So for all of those who have been praying for me, thank you. I want more than anything to help others prepare their fields for God's rain. If anyone at all has any prayer requests please feel free to send them to me via facebook or email (kborowi@clemson.edu). I want everyone to have the chance to experience the glory of God, just as I have. The road will be tough and not without obstacles, but those moments where you feel God put is hand on your shoulder and tell you He's got this, make it all worth while!

Talk the Talk AND Walk the Walk

So, many of you have been reading my blogs and being inspired by the words that God has provided me with to share with you. But do these words mean anything to God without action? Sure, after I fell, I proclaimed to God, out loud, that I was ready to give up total control to Him and to follow the path that He laid out for me to follow. I spoke of Him to others and prayed to Him daily so that He could hear me. Only, I was missing something. In the movie "Facing the Giants," the football coach prays to God for help and strength for his team. He asks God to give him something, show him something. Only the problem was that the coach wasn't doing anything to show God that he trusted them. It wasn't until he came across the school janitor who told him the story of the two farmers that he changed his ways. The story goes: two farmers both desperately needed rain. They both prayed to God and asked Him for rain, but only one went home and prepared his fields to receive the rain. The other didn't bother to show God that He trusted him, therefore, did nothing. That is what we have to realize. We can pray words to God all day, but that doesn't show him our commitment. We have to prepare our lives for God to take over it. We cannot simply sit in a quiet room all day waiting for our miracle to arrived in a UPS truck. When you don't prepare things to receive the gifts of God, then you must not really trust that He will send them. God will rain his glory and give you the gifts that you desire in His own time. We must be patient with Him, but always trust that He will be there. I know that God will heal me. I know that things are going to work out for the best. Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." I know today my blog is short, but it is only so that you can get off your computer and start preparing your fields for rain. Commit to God with all your heart and He will take care of you. He WANTS us. So don't just talk the talk.....WALK THE WALK.

Down But Not Out

"God is with the broken hearted. For then he knows that all they will have to lean on is Him." Today, I must live by my own words that I spoke about last week. I can not let myself be sucked into a vat of blame and self reliance. I have to lean on God for help. Yesterday during my run, I stepped onto a rock that shot a web of pain through my hurt foot. Halfway into my run, and I couldn't walk without a limp. It was a sharp pain at first that spread like an electric shock through the nerves of my foot. I tried to walk it off and it slowly began to feel lifeless. I knew it was hurt, but was in denial. I thought surely that this wasn't happening again. I couldn't of really hurt it. The rock probably just provided me with a similar scenario to rolling your ankle. Once I walked it off, it would be better right? Wrong. As I walked the mile and a half back to the car, tears were building, anger was rising, and hope was dying. I wanted to open my mouth and scream. I wanted to fall to my hands and knees and ask why. But in doing so, would I not be showing God that everything that I had written about him last week was all pretend? Would I not be a hypocrite of my own tongue? So instead of lashing out at God, or asking Him for immediate answers, I did the only thing that I knew that could ease the pain. I prayed. I asked God to help me to not fall back into my old ways of blame and anger towards Him. I asked Him to strengthen my will so that I would not begin to try and control the situation. I asked Him to help me to live by the words that I have written in the past week. I asked Him to heal me. To heal my breaking heart, that it would be strongly held together. To heal my head, that anxious and panic thoughts would dismiss themselves from existence. Also, of course, to heal my foot. I was desperate for an ear. Desperate for someone to listen. Desperate for a shoulder to lean on. Desperate for God. When I got back to my apartment, I knew the drill. Ice, elevate, ice, etc. The pain was similar to last week, but with less intensity. This time it went down my arch and across the top of my foot. I was exhausted from the morning, and in my attempt to read an essay for class, I found my eyelids to be very heavy, and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I tried putting weight on my foot. It hurt. But more like an "I've been icing my foot so much that its tight and numb," kind of hurt. I did, however, find comfort when I put a shoe on. Any support helped at this point. After a few meals, some more icing, homework, and another desperate prayer, I finally curled up in a blanket and slept through the night. When I woke up this morning, I expected to take one step off my bed and feel every bit of pain possible. It didn't happen that way though. It was sore. Sure it hurt a bit, but nothing like what I expected. This provoked a huge sigh of relief. I got dressed for practice and fastened my shoe tightly around my foot for support. When I got to practice, I headed to my training room for rehab. Balance drills, moving marbles, and stretching seemed comfortable. The trainers saw no definite signs of worry. They said I most likely just irritated my plantar fascia as well as the other muscles and ligaments that I had hurt last weekend. Not great news, but definitely not the worst. I walked out feeling okay, but definitely in need of comfort. Sure, it would be easier to sit in my bed and cry all day about how bad things always happen to me. I could yell at God and blame Him for hurting me again. Say the dreaded, "How could You do this to me," phrase and be full of anger. But I can't, I won't. Sure I want answers, but I'm not going to ask. Asking why will get me no where. I just need to put my full faith and trust in God that He is doing this for a greater purpose. It will be hard, but I know that He will give me the strength to get through. He doesn't abandon us, so I refuse to abandon hope in Him.

Change

Change. Just the sounds of that word has the power to make peoples' teeth cringe, body ache, and hair stand up on end. It is the root of some abandonment, the inducer of anxiety, and the stunt of growth as a person. Why is is that these six letters, strung together with no spaces, cause people to go in a tizzy? Why are people so stuck on keeping things the way that they are? Because, people today, believe that change will hurt them. Change with mess our perfect blueprint of our own lives. Routine = comfort. When you always order the same thing from a restaurant, you know that you will have a decent meal because you know it tastes good. When you always run the same 6 mile loop at practice, you know it won't be hilly because you do it all the time. When you have the same routine from the moment you wake up, to the time you lay down to go to bed, and you exclude yourselves from trying new things, you could be missing out on some of the greatest experiences life has to offer. Let me tell you something about routine and faith though. When people have a perfectly constructed plan for their day, it looks, to God, like, "God, I think I figured out how to be content in my life. I have designed a fail safe plan to requires no hurt or surprises. I need you still though, just in case they run out of my favorite dish at my favorite restaurant." It's simple really. Having a set routine means you trust yourself 100%. You don't want God to change it. No surprise turns, pot holes, or change ups are welcome to you. The truth is, there is no magic formula. I am guilty of the routine life at times, especially before a race. If I have a race in the afternoon, I will get up and run a two mile shake out, eat a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon, peanut butter, and half of a banana, lay around and read, watch TV, and do crosswords, eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, pretzels, and an apple for lunch, listen to Matt Kearney: Runaway on the drive to the course, listen to Angels and Airwaves: The War during the warm up, chew ONLY spearmint stride gum to calm my nerves, take a sip of purple G2 gatorade, eat three (yes three, it is that specific) gummy fruit snacks, pray, stride, wish the field good luck, and be the last one behind the line before the gun goes off. In other words, I have tricked myself into believing that this routine is the ONLY way that I can perform well in a race, all because it worked one time in high school. Having this routine makes praying to God before my race just part of a chain on events that I mindlessly perform. It has no meaning. It is simply to put one of the pieces of my puzzle together. I rely on myself, and myself only to ensure that my race is flawless by design. I know why I do this. I know why routines for people make sense now. It's because if something does not go as planned, we don't have to blame ourselves. We can blame the weather. We can blame those around us. We can blame God. That's when we want to talk to Him. When things don't go the way WE want them too, we look up to Him and say why did You do this to me? News flash though, you did this to you. You never learned how to fail. You never let yourself experience a change of pace. You got too comfortable in the way you wanted your life to be, and weren't ready for the life God has already made for you. You were scared of those six little letters strung together with no spaces...Change. God is going to throw you curve balls. He is going to break your routine sometimes. He is going to push you to the edge so that you will understand that you aren't the master carpenter. Embrace change. Let God lead you. Pray to Him for happiness in life, and not to your day planner. Order something new on the menu, at the restaurant, and in life.

A Prayer for Rain

Today is one of my favorite days. A rainy day, with no class. Sitting wrapped in a fleece blanket in my bed, listening to the rain patter against my window, drinking a big cup of butter toffee flavored coffee in my PJ's is my morning agenda. I may complain about how much I hate the rain when I'm walking to class with soaked jeans and dripping hair because I forgot my umbrella, but today is much different. Today, I welcome the rain with open arms. Just look out your window. Watch how all of the little droplets stand alone as they fall, but as soon as they hit the surface of the Earth, they gracefully couple together as nourishment for plants, as puddles for splashing, and as life for those in need of water. You can also think about this in human terms. We, ourselves, are the droplets of rain. When we fall alone, sure we are beautiful. Sure we make a tranquil sight and sound. But when we are suspended in the air alone, we are just rain. It is not until we reach the ground to be coupled together with God that we create magic. Plants cannot flourish without their roots touching water. Rivers and streams cannot arise without the water hitting the dry, rocky emptiness. Just as life cannot be truly lived until we form our puddle with God.

I humbly ask all of you who read my blog today to join me in bowing your heads and praying this prayer to God. Keep your eyes open so that your mind doesn't wander and your words are not lost to Him.

Heavenly Father. Thank you today for the rain, for it is a reminder to us of how you beautifully construct life. We pray that you help us to realize that, until coupled together with you, we cannot fully create wonder and life for ourselves and for others. We pray that you give us the strength the follow you. The strength to let go and to give ourselves over to you. We pray for our weaknesses that humble us. That you will be the shoulder we lean on. We pray that you never let us give up on You, for You will never give up on us. Help us to know that we never have to stand alone. In all this we ask in Your name. Amen.

All Aboard

On my run this morning, I thought a lot about some words that an old friend recently shared with me. Words in a poem by Robert Hastings, called The Station. It goes as followed...(sorry it is long, but it's worth it I promise!)

"Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train. Out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there our dreams will come true, and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering - waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

"When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry.
"when I'm 18"
"when I buy a new 450sl Mercedes-Benz!"
"when I put the last kid through college"
"when I have paid off the mortgage!"
"when I get a promotion."
"when I reach the age of retirement,I shall live happily ever after!" 

Sooner or later we realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. "Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24: "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough."


After reading this to myself a few times, it became so clear to me the way that I have lived my life the past 20 years. I watch it go by as I reach toward my own goals. Hastings describes that the way we all look at this beautiful life we have been given in awe and reverence is short lived. What takes over with greater importance in our minds is the destination. People today have the skewed belief of, "When I do _______, I will be so happy and my life will be perfect." So what happens if your blank is to turn 21? Or to win an Olympic medal? Or to retire at age 50? What happens in all that time you have before that? Do you miss out of life? Riding your train straight though, taking no stops, but just blankly staring out the window the entire way? God gave you this amazing gift of life, that was intended to amaze you everyday as you took on the trials and tribulations and thrived in the beauty of the good things. So why do we constantly look at a goal that we set ourselves as the only thing separating ourselves from a life of happiness? Why have we convinced ourselves that material things, the golden age, a shiny trophy, or a big win are what make our lives perfect by design? We think we will be happy once we reach our goal weight. But in the process, we forgot to indulge in the richness of ice cream. We think that once we win the big game at the end of the season we will be happy. But we forgot to admire the beauty of the games in between. When we sit in our own little train car all day, we don't get to feel the coolness of wind as it blows chilly bumps across our skin. We don't get to soak in the warmth of the sun as it beams down across the tops of of heads. We miss out on life. It's almost like God has planned a big party that we are all invited to, booked a giant concert hall filled with music, dancing, and food, and opened the door to all of us with outstretch arms, but we don't show up. None of us show up. We are too busy trying to get to our own station. What we don't realize is that God in Heaven is our station. We are all just along for a ride.


So stop passing life by. Stop delaying happiness. Get off at every stop. Live everyday as if it were your last. God's big concert hall is the final destination. Life is the beautiful road to get there. If you feel like you have gone far off the track and missed out on life too much, don't worry, God forgives you. Start today, He won't mind if you are fashionably late. :)

An Unopened Present

Life can be stressful. With school and practice and homework, sometimes it's hard to be positive all the time. The past few days, God has transformed my life into a life of humbleness and humility. He has shown himself to me more times that I can count and has also shown Himself in a greater light to others in the process. He has taken a low moment in my life, and turned it into one of the greatest moments of my life. So why did I go to bed last night and wake up this morning thinking about how I still can't race? How I still have burns on my elbow and hip? Not only that, but also thinking things like: Why did I purchase the wrong access code for my class? Why do bad things happen to me? Here's a better question I should ask myself...Why ruin a perfectly good day worrying about what happened yesterday? You see that's our problem. We constantly ruin a perfectly good day with the regrets of yesterday. Yesterday is history, today is a gift. An unopened present if you will. When you wake up in the morning its like pulling the bows and paper off of a present. A present wrapped with the love of your Father and covered with the blood of His son (don't picture that image, if you are squeamish). It is beautifully tailored to each and every individual on Earth with the utmost care and passion. But, instead of admiring it's beauty and receiving it with a humble heart, we splatter yesterday all over it. "I can't believe he did that me." "I can't believe Coach made us run another mile." "I'll never forgive her for not calling me back." "I can't believe I failed that math test." We've all be guilty of this before. But what good does this do for us? I tell you what good it does, NO GOOD. All we end up doing is getting out of bed feeling mad, angry, sad, etc. And how fun does that sound. Well I'll tell you again, NOT FUN. The worst part is, a lot of times, we blame God. "God, how could you do this to me?" Bet He has heard that one a thousand times. I feel like this is everyone's initial reaction. Or, at least, it was mine. I prayed to God before my race that no matter the outcome, I would praise Him and give Him the glory. When I fell, I did not honor that promise. I resented Him. I blamed Him. I woke up the next morning so angry for what He did to me. I ruined my whole next day. These past few days have shown me that looking back on situations that I had no control over make me angry. They put me in a position to look up to God and say, "You see, I didn't have control over that and you see what happened?" It makes me blame Him for the bad things, and give myself the credibility of everything else. I have now come to realize that I should never put blame on God. He does the things that He does to keep us on track of following and trusting in Him. He knew that I had gone too far in relying on myself and my abilities. Sure I was praying to Him with words, but they were just mindless rambles. I wasn't praying to Him from my heart. I was using prayer as a back up plan to if talent wasn't enough to help me through the race. If my legs started to give out I need not worry because I talked to God before giving Him a heads up on what I wanted the outcome to look like. I was trying to peek at my present before I had even been given it. God doesn't want us to plan out the rest of our lives. In reality, it probably won't turn out the way you think it will. That is what is so great about life. It's a different page everyday. When you start to write your page, God may spill the ink all over the paper. Sure it may seem inconvenient to you at the time, but the best part is, you get a brand new piece tomorrow. You get to open that beautifully tailored present and start fresh. So don't spill yesterday's regrets all over it. Look ahead and live in the moment. Sure there will be more hurdles to jump, walls to climb, and mountains to scale, but those things are only temporary. And I have found lately, that the other side of these obstacles is a much greener pasture.

Pray to God for the strength to move on from yesterday and begin today with a positive heart. Don't blame Him for the downs in life. It will just make the next day awkward when He hands you your present.

The Pursuit of Truth

Five miles today, pain free after the first minute or two. Things are starting to look up with my track season. I don't feel out of shape at all. If anything I feel fresher and more rested. I am completely at peace with what happened to me this past weekend. At least I thought I was. Why is it that every time someone begins to ask me about the race this weekend, I quickly write them off by saying, "I'm not going," and then quickly change the subject? It's like I'm avoiding the subject to the point where it doesn't even exist. The more I pretend that things are the way I would like them to be, the easier it is to deal with them right? Wrong again Kate. I need to start fully accepting the fact that I have some catching up to do. I am not on top of my game and am not ready to race; however, I do feel stronger than before. Even if it's not physically. Today is where I learned one of my biggest problems, and if I'm not mistaken, one of the biggest problems most people face daily. Avoidance. In my English class today, we learned about an author named Primo Levi, who has written many books as a survivor of the deadly Holocaust. As soon as he was freed from the camps, he wrote a book called "Survival in Auschwitz." He took it to publishers immediately so they he could help people to see and understand what happened during his two years in captivity. The only problem was, nobody would publish it. Why though? Why didn't people want to hear the story of how one man made it through one of the deadliest, toughest ordeals in world history? Because the longer they avoided hearing about the subject, the quicker they could erase it from there memory and pretend it wasn't real. Things are easier when you just shut them out aren't they? Avoidance happens all the time in daily life, and I became so aware of it today. Every time you see someone walking towards you that you don't feel like talking to, tell me you don't pick up your cell phone like you are "answering a text" or "reading an email." Every time someone tries to explain themselves after an action that you disapprove of, tell me that you don't say, "No, I don't want to hear it!" Every time God tells you He has your back, don't tell me that you don't, instead, act like you can do it all by yourself. I know I have, and I know I still do sometimes. Avoid the truth. We never want to be proven wrong. We never want to be the weakest link. We want to be the all mighty ones. The ones who pave their own way without anybody else taking over. To us, the truth is what ever we want it to be. Every time I feel a little injury flaring up, instead of listening to my body and to God whom are both telling me to ease off, I push harder, faster, longer. I'm not injured, I'm not weak, it will go away. Every time I start to feel myself losing control of any situation, I crack down, shut everyone out, and fix it. ON MY OWN. But, why bear that burden when I have a God who wants to carry that load for me. Why avoid a simple truth that will make my life so much easier to live? Why take the difficult path in faith rather than the one with all the road signs, fast lanes, and bright and shiny ending? Why avoid God? It's simple, there is no reason why. I shouldn't do any of these things, so from now on, I'm not. Sure Rome wasn't built in a day, and I would be lying if I said that I have been able to easily give up all of my control. But, the best part about it, is that every day, God makes it easier for me. He helps me to see the truth, the light, and the way. He keeps saying, "Kate, just let me do it. Let me help you." He doesn't avoid me, so why should I avoid Him? I shouldn't.

Don't push God away. He longs and desires to take the burdens from your shoulders. He has a better way. Accept that, don't avoid that. So stop blocking out the truths that you may be wrong, that you may lose a game, that you may be on the wrong path, and that you are NOT alone.

Proud To Be a Loser

The results are in, and the foot is good! Aside from some bruising and some possible minor strains, the doc cleared me to run a mere three miles yesterday. Gearing up, my coach made me promise that no matter what, I would run NORMAL. No limping, no compensating, and no favoring my right leg. I took these requests rather seriously, because if you know of my history with injuries, you will know that I don't have room on my list to add another. Luckily, during the run, instead of experiencing stabbing pains, I just feel a little stiffness and soreness, but mostly just awkwardness. I felt like I was running across bubble wrap. Like I would lose my balance at any moment. I tried to shift my thoughts to something else like school, or the weather, but instead I trapped my mind in the negatives of my track season. (Nobody said giving up total control would be easy) All I could think about was how only running a weak three miles today would never prepare me for my next upcoming meet. How could I perform well missing tomorrow's workout? How could I win a race when I've missed two days of running already? How long am I going to feel like a failure, a loser? Luckily, when I got to the peak of my negative thoughts, my run was over, so I could go on the rest of the day without thinking about it. Only, it was not a subject easy to forget. Before I went to bed, I vowed that I would wake up with a positive attitude and move forward. I prayed for God to help me lean on Him in my times of need and discomfort. I prayed for him to show me that He is having me go through this time only to emerge stronger than ever. That I wasn't a loser. Now let me just tell you, God is amazing. (If you didn't know this already) I receive daily devotionals on my email every morning courtesy of "Joni and Friends," and today's could not have been any more perfect. It spoke about how society today idolizes and praises winners. When picking partners for a school assignment, people always call "dibs" on the smart kids. Flyers, signs, applications, etc. all indicate that the person desired for the job or task should be the most talented, the brightest, the most experienced; in other words, weak losers not allowed. Today, we all strive for perfection, but for what? So that everything we do comes out looking beautiful and brilliant for others. No. We do it for one sole reason, and that is to put a big ole' obvious sticker on it that says I DID THIS, MAN DID THIS, NOT GOD. It is the same with competing in an event. Do people compete to win for God's glory? Or do they want to win because it will make people idolize them? God is the one calling the shots, no you. He gave us the talents, the skills, the speed, the endurance, the fire, etc. So why do we expect to receive all the glory? So what if I am set back a few days. So what if I can't do the workout today. So what if I did fail at an attempt of a mile. SO WHAT IF I AM A LOSER. God loves losers. He wants to be surrounded by those who serve in humility, rely on him for help, and give up their lives for Him. That way, our sole focus will be on the strength and power that comes with relying on Him rather than ourselves. We all need to stop believing that being winners in our sport gives us the right to accept all of the glory, and the right to put ourselves on pedestals. We need to stop believing that God is absent from our lives when we come in 2nd, 3rd, or even last place. We need to stop striving for absolute and utter perfection of human, man made life and start striving for a life of humility and service to God. Thank God for today, and next time someone calls you a Loser, smile and say thank you :).

The Power of Words

Sure ice cups, stretching, massage, and rehab temporarily reduce pain and discomfort, but over the past 24 hours I have found something that eases pain with so much more power. Words. My initial intention of yesterdays post was merely to tell my story one last time so that I could stop reliving it every time someone asked me what had happened. Well, that was the intention as it was in my head. It was the moment that I sat down to write it when I felt word vomit begin to bleed from my fingers to the keys. Only, the words were not all of my own. It was almost as if someone was speaking through me. Not for me, but through me. I kept stopping to ask God why he wanted me to write so much and write so deep, but the only answer I got came in the next wave of words that made their way onto the screen. I read through it many times, aloud and silent, and then mustered up some courage and posted it. I honestly just expected a few of my friends to read it and move on. Only, that is not the reaction I got. People that I haven't spoken to in years started contacting me, but the thing is, they weren't contacting me to tell me how sorry they were, they were thanking me. Thanking me? For what? My first reaction to reading someone's story like mine would be to say, "oh no, sorry that happened, better luck next time." But instead people were thanking me? Saying that my words encouraged them to never give up. Saying that my post was the push they needed to give up control of their own lives. Telling me that now they have the courage to have a positive outlook on difficult situations. The post that struck me the hardest said, "He is pursuing you, waiting on you, and always loving you. He is passionately pursuing you back to his path. He knows you are going to turn to other prophets and he will remain faithful but will continuously do things to bring you back to him." Wow right? In one day, God took my words and turned them into fire for others. He took them and showed people that God is with the brokenhearted. He knows then that they will lean on him for help and guidance. How sure of His power must a God be to break you down to rock bottom in order to show you that He is your most stable shoulder? Pretty powerful if you ask me. He took my less that idyllic situation and turned it into a beautiful message to others and gave them hope. That, to me, is so much more important that missing a few miles the past few days. So, for all those who read my blog and sent me thank you responses, I am here today to thank you back. Thank you for helping me further realize the power of God and prayer. Thank you for helping me lift my sagging head to look forward in life. Thank you for helping me realize that I am never alone. Ever. Now that we have all thanked each other, I hope that you join me today in thanking the one who brought us all to this new starting line. Thank God today for all of your strengths, but more importantly for your weaknesses. For your weakest times are what bring you closer to Him. He won't give up on you. No matter how distant He seems, He is never apart from you. 


For a quick progress update, today my foot is feeling much better. I am becoming a pretty decent marble picker upper with my toes if anybody wants to take part in some sort of challenge involving that. I have to get a check up today to get cleared to run, but fingers and toes crossed that all is fine and dandy. Sadly, coach has pulled me from traveling to Alabama this weekend, but in all honestly I know its for the best. 


Last bit before the next post, take today as a blessing and smile. Be patient with discouraging ailments and problems. Look for the best in situations and people. Never lose the fire.

A Fall Tale

Recent events in my life have built up so many words of discouragement, anger, confusion, and worry in my head that it only seemed fit to spill them onto a blank page in physical word form. I have never blogged before but it seems needed at the moment, so I am just going to roll with it. This weekend I had my first indoor track meet up in Blacksburg, Virginia.  Saying I wasn't anxious/nervous about the race would be a lie, however, I was eerily calm compared to my usual frantic "race-day" self. Warming up for the race was normal as ever. (That is, if your definition of normal is a 15 minute warm up in negative degree weather, in the snow, constantly dodging sheets of black ice...) Despite the less than ideal conditions, my legs were loose, my adrenaline was pumping, and my eyes were burning with fire. A quick talk with coach, a prayer with teammate Kim, and a few quick strides were all that separated me from my first attempt at an indoor mile. The starter called us to the line and any nerves that I had built up in my head melted away as my toe edged the white waterfall line. Kim and I were seeded in the outside lines, meaning we would have to run 50m until we could break into the inside lanes. Runners Set, POW. We took off around the first curve. Then it happened. In my attempt to break into the inside lane, an unknown runner behind me clipped my foot, and the next thing I knew, I was tumbling across the track. When I finally came to a halt, three things were for sure: 1. the whole right side of my body was burning from sliding on rubber 2. my ankle was screaming as though hot wax were being poured onto it 3. my first indoor race ever, was over. Trainers swarmed me and removed me slowly from the track onto a stretching table. They tried calming me down, but all I could do was cry. Sure my ankle hurt, but my heart hurt worse. The fire in my eyes wasn't dimming as I watched teammate Kim run a great race landing her in second. Jealousy flooded the inside but elation for her poured outside. To keep a long story from dragging on, I left the track that night with a wrapped ankle, peroxide covered burns, and a sagging head. Around 2 am, I realized that the whole "sleep thing" wasn't happening. So much stress, anxiety, sadness, and pain took up all of the room in my bed, so all I could do was toss and turn in discomfort. The next morning, I woke up with a swollen foot and decided to head downstairs to find my trainers before our morning team meeting. I got on the elevator slowly and as it descended, I started to feel dizzy. I took three steps off the elevator, lost balance, and passed out. After a few seconds, and in a desperate attempt to get cold air into my lungs, I tried to crawl my way outside of the hotel with friend Brittany pulling me along. I made it outside just before the second fainting spell hit me. I was out (in the) cold..ha how punny. To keep the story shorter again, I eventually was helped up to my room and I laid with my foot propped on pillows and covered in ice. I shoved oatmeal and bananas into my queasy stomach and tried so hard to stop the salty water from pouring out of my eyes. Just when I thought that all hope was lost, my mom sent me this text, "Wish I could be there. Stop trying to be in control of everything. How many times do you have to be tested to remind you that you are not in control. Rise above, ask for help and guidance through prayer. If you don't get an answer then you probably aren't listening. It's clear to me that God is showing you that you've got to stop trying to control it all. Don't become a tragedy. Move on, be positive, laugh, and let go." Wow, talk about a game changer. How is it possible that in times of need, mothers know exactly what to say? She couldn't have hit the nail harder than that if she tried. You see, that it what I do. When I feel like I am superwoman, then I am a happy camper. For the past three years it has proven as a failing plan resulting in 5 stress fractures. It's either that I overtrain myself, lift too heavy, or don't take care of the little things. You would think that I would have learned by now right? But wait, this time was out of my control so why did it happen? Why do I have such bad luck? Does God hate my relationship with track? That's when I realized, He doesn't hate my relationship with track...He envies it. I spend 99% of my time thinking, breathing, and sleeping running. Every mile I run, every nutrient I eat, every dream I have emulates running rather than my relationship with God. How is it that I got so far off my God laid path? Why did I let it come to this? Good news is, I have a few days of resting with propped pillows and frozen peas to start asking for help...but more importantly, listening.