The Pursuit of Truth

Five miles today, pain free after the first minute or two. Things are starting to look up with my track season. I don't feel out of shape at all. If anything I feel fresher and more rested. I am completely at peace with what happened to me this past weekend. At least I thought I was. Why is it that every time someone begins to ask me about the race this weekend, I quickly write them off by saying, "I'm not going," and then quickly change the subject? It's like I'm avoiding the subject to the point where it doesn't even exist. The more I pretend that things are the way I would like them to be, the easier it is to deal with them right? Wrong again Kate. I need to start fully accepting the fact that I have some catching up to do. I am not on top of my game and am not ready to race; however, I do feel stronger than before. Even if it's not physically. Today is where I learned one of my biggest problems, and if I'm not mistaken, one of the biggest problems most people face daily. Avoidance. In my English class today, we learned about an author named Primo Levi, who has written many books as a survivor of the deadly Holocaust. As soon as he was freed from the camps, he wrote a book called "Survival in Auschwitz." He took it to publishers immediately so they he could help people to see and understand what happened during his two years in captivity. The only problem was, nobody would publish it. Why though? Why didn't people want to hear the story of how one man made it through one of the deadliest, toughest ordeals in world history? Because the longer they avoided hearing about the subject, the quicker they could erase it from there memory and pretend it wasn't real. Things are easier when you just shut them out aren't they? Avoidance happens all the time in daily life, and I became so aware of it today. Every time you see someone walking towards you that you don't feel like talking to, tell me you don't pick up your cell phone like you are "answering a text" or "reading an email." Every time someone tries to explain themselves after an action that you disapprove of, tell me that you don't say, "No, I don't want to hear it!" Every time God tells you He has your back, don't tell me that you don't, instead, act like you can do it all by yourself. I know I have, and I know I still do sometimes. Avoid the truth. We never want to be proven wrong. We never want to be the weakest link. We want to be the all mighty ones. The ones who pave their own way without anybody else taking over. To us, the truth is what ever we want it to be. Every time I feel a little injury flaring up, instead of listening to my body and to God whom are both telling me to ease off, I push harder, faster, longer. I'm not injured, I'm not weak, it will go away. Every time I start to feel myself losing control of any situation, I crack down, shut everyone out, and fix it. ON MY OWN. But, why bear that burden when I have a God who wants to carry that load for me. Why avoid a simple truth that will make my life so much easier to live? Why take the difficult path in faith rather than the one with all the road signs, fast lanes, and bright and shiny ending? Why avoid God? It's simple, there is no reason why. I shouldn't do any of these things, so from now on, I'm not. Sure Rome wasn't built in a day, and I would be lying if I said that I have been able to easily give up all of my control. But, the best part about it, is that every day, God makes it easier for me. He helps me to see the truth, the light, and the way. He keeps saying, "Kate, just let me do it. Let me help you." He doesn't avoid me, so why should I avoid Him? I shouldn't.

Don't push God away. He longs and desires to take the burdens from your shoulders. He has a better way. Accept that, don't avoid that. So stop blocking out the truths that you may be wrong, that you may lose a game, that you may be on the wrong path, and that you are NOT alone.